I have no regrets. Sure, life would have been happier and easier without alcohol. But, that was not my path. This is. Right now. I am emotionally healthy enough to handle the changes.
I am surprised that the people who I felt closest to are the most frightened of my confidence. And they should be. I can now recognize a biting hurtful statement as false, not a character flaw of mine. I am not that hurtful thing.
My mother is getting forgetful. A completely appropriate amount of forgetfullness for her age. She has always been my best friend. As I move into a space where I am not failing and struggling, she feels unneeded. She no longer wants to hear my problems as it makes her too sad. Oh, don’t tell me that!, she says. Then later she asks why I don’t tell her anything. She now only calls on Sunday. She doesn’t ask anything personal about me anymore. She thinks she doesn’t want to know but I feel her sadness that I don’t share with her.
I grieve the loss of her friendship. My sister got cancer when she was 12. I was already in college. She died at 30. My mom had a hard life, working and caring for my sister. She’s had enough heartache and I understand she just wants everything to be fine. I get that.
So what does that have to do with Sober Treats – the focus of this blog? I am learning to mother myself. I am learning to give myself words of wisdom, kind gentle encouragement, and gifts. I meet myself for coffee and have a lovely time. I buy treats to celebrate my accomplishments.
Yesterday on FB my favorite bakery announced a sale on muffins and the lunch special was chicken enchiladas. Guess who made the kids get dressed and go! The kids had cookies & donuts for lunch. Then we went to the store and I got them each a small gift just because.
- Blueberry & raspberry cream muffins this morning
- Dr. Pepper & french onion Sunchips while watching Love Actually (great movie!)
- Chicken enchiladas!!!!!!