Day 39 – blah

Standard

Sleep didn’t help much. Bummer. The weight of too many expectations is getting to me.

Tomorrow is day 40. I know if I drink I will go straight back to everyday. I don’t want that, but I don’t want this feeling either.

I am not an overachiever. One regular day of work is enough. This 6 days of overtime, every week, for 13 weeks, is awful. I don’t thrive on drama and chaos. I make mistakes. I’m crabby. I get nothing done anywhere else in my life.

I don’t like asking for help to get through normal activities. I have to pay for extra services (house cleaning, food delivery) when I work too much. Taking care of myself means just that. I am able to take care of the things that matter most.

Guess I’m going to take a good look at my work schedule. Where can I loosen things up? Can I arrange a day off?

I wrongly compare myself to other staff. The 77 year old who puts in 26 hours of overtime every week. My boss who works 12 hour days everyday. Another mom who has a stay at home husband. I feel stupid when they call with problems and I’m at home and they are at work. They tease me in fun, but I still feel judged.

I had an issue with my boss this week and my friend said, Do you want to bitch about it or fix it? For that issue I just needed to vent.

I’m getting a feeling that my work hours need to be fixed. Complaining about it is dragging me down emotionally. My desire to drink is getting stronger not weaker. That scares me.

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2 thoughts on “Day 39 – blah

  1. Losing&Healing

    Hey sober friend. Just keep doing what your doing to stay sober. And dont forget self-care. Its so important and can change your perspective: go for walks, meditate, go to yoga, ready a trashy magazine 🙂
    Do something for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If your desire to drink os getting stringer, that is wolfie fighting to get you back. What can you do to help yourself? Do you need to take a day off? Go to Aa – thete are meetings at various times of day. See a therapist? Sleep more?

    Liked by 1 person

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