As I reach certain days for the second time I am adding an asterisk at the bottom for notes. Day 10 will be easy for me to review the next time I slip up.
I now understand that being an addict is “forever”. I used to imagine that ______ when I retire, the kids can drive, kids are out of the house, I move, get a different job, finish the 100 day challenge, (fill in the blank), that I could drink freely then.
I will forever have a problem with alcohol addiction.
Will I never have a drink of alcohol again? That would be lovely to not want that. Maybe in time that will come. For now, my choice is daily. So I count days.
Will I never choose to drink alcohol again? Probably not me. I tend to fall 7 get up 8. If I drink, will I drink too much? Absolutely. Will I want to check out and do it by drinking? Sounds like me. I now understand what being an addict means to me. It means I have to find a different answer to my problems.
Recognizing addiction means I consider myself a success story not a failure story. Before, having an addiction was failure. Being an addict was BAD. Now, recognizing addiction and fighting against it is success. I am addicted to alcohol and I am GOOD. Addicts are tough people.
I have fought hard to get here. Here being my own understanding of my own addiction. Instead of promising every morning that I will “never drink again”, I am doing it.
Will I relapse, slip up, cave in, have a flare of my addiction? I may do it 300 times. But I will continue to get up 301. I’m a tough girl.