Organized = Peace ………umm No

Standard

Ego says ” Once everything falls into place I will feel peace.”

Spirit says ” Feel peace and everything falls into place.”

Oh my, this is so me! I try to oganize my way to peace and happiness. Granted I do feel temporary peace when I’m organized, but I can see the problem here. Organization is external. It is a set of rules that I place on myself, is placed upon me or I place on others.

I think “relief” may be a better description of how I feel when organized. It creates an artificial wall that says “there – now nothing can shake up my world.” I can see the ego here. I am trying to control so I can prevent problems.

Words ending in -tion reflect doing. Peace is a state of being.

I feel such fear to let go of control. It makes my chest tight & itchy and I want to scream. So, obviously I have hit a nerve within myself. Sometimes I get real tired of this sobriety stuff. It doesn’t take away the feeling of wanting to rip my lungs out. Alcohol does though.

I did discover in therapy last summer that the scratchy itchy feeling in my chest is called panic. In my mind I can only remember a couple times of what I would call true panic in my life. Being locked up by some kids, my baby falling down the steps, a car accident, cancer.

I am not a person with panic. I am the one to help people with their panic. Driving them to the hospital or helping them get meds or some therapy arranged. I am the one people call at work because I solve problems and don’t get upset. I don’t panic.

Finding out that one of my drinking reasons was “panic” was crazy. Then I went back and read my journal. Wow. After some time spent not drinking I can easily see the panic.

So now I have to figure out this “organized does not equal peace” tight scratchy chest feeling. Thanks sobriety! Ha I could drink over this feeling or I can sit with it a while. One way will give me fake peace and the other will lead to happiness and true peace. So again, Thanks sobriety! for giving me clarity.

Treat thoughts:

  • Yin yoga & meditation
  • Bubble Hour show on ego
  • Spend time at the library today
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5 thoughts on “Organized = Peace ………umm No

  1. I call that feeling anxiety.
    It has been with me my whole life, but drinking clearly was making it worse before I quit.
    Of course, it didn’t go away with the booze and I’m still finding my ways around it.
    Not fighting it or pretending it isn’t there seems to be key. And not indulging in it.

    Somewhere there’s s balance….

    Like

    • I thought it was my asthma cuz I don’t have anxiety! Quite the denial for me. Have you read Learning to Breathe by Priscilla Warner? She takes a year and tries all kinds of unique ways to calm her anxiety. Its a fun read. I have read it three times! I only let myself read one chapter a day otherwise I miss stuff.

      Like

  2. Overthinking vs Relaxa-TION

    Old-timer Stephen R Covey has this wonderful concept of our personal Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence.

    The Circle of Concern holds all the topics I am concerned about – BUT cannot impact. Too big for many of us.

    The circle of Influence is smaller and is placed within the circle of concern, and contains the issues I actually can have an impact on.

    When I get worn out / confused / out of balance it is often because I use fare to much of my energy on topics within my circles of Concern – instead of focusing on the stuff I can change .

    http://uthscsa.edu/gme/documents/Circles.pdf

    Sometimes my solution is not to care – allow my self to don’t give a shit for a while. To CTRL-ALT-DELETE my task list and overthinking. No longer by getting drunk though. But often I find Relaxation in just dealing with one single (practical) task within my circle of Influence.

    Like

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