I read a beautiful article yesterday about a young woman losing weight and talking about “after”. Just because she lost weight did not mean she did not stuggle with weight rated issues. People were rather quick to discount her “before” self. Like there was something wrong with before and after was better.
She said there is no “after”. Things do not miraculously get better when we get “normal”. Normal weight, normal drinking, normal whatever.
The part that resonated with me was that after X number days of sobriety, I will be better. That “before” I quit drinking I was “less than”.
I agree with her angst. Just because I was a lush does not make me a terrible person “before”. Just because I’m not drinking right now doesn’t make me better than I was. There is no miracle “after” when my world gets exponentially better just because I quit drinking, lost weight, became vegan. That thinking sells books ( that I buy, lol ).
There is no after. I struggle with lots of do-overs. New day ones. So what. There is no after. Those who have quit drinking for 26 years are not better than me. (They of course would not say this, this is my thinking.)
I have discounted my past self in order to achieve this new “after drinking” self. This miracle of not drinking. It’s no wonder I fall down a lot. That is a pretty high pedestal – a miracle.
It’s still just me, just trying a different healthy path. Not extraordinarily different because of (losing 100 pounds as the young woman did) quitting drinking. No after, just me.
- Reading a fast paced novel
- New bras arrived
- Pirouette cookies with my coffee