Creative vs Geek

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My boys are artists. I am a math geek.

They struggle in school due to the rules. I was – school rules!

I had no idea what exclusion was In school. Not being able to have a pizza party or go to a movie as a treat because you were late with one piece of homework. My 6th grader is having the worst end of the year.

My son with autism is a freshman. He coaches his little bro on how to handle these situations. Because he has such heightened sensory experiences he is able to  share how he had to hold his muscles, use facial expressions and control the thoughts in his head when he was that age.  He explains how this time will pass and that it will get better.

It is horrifying for me to not understand how they feel. I don’t even remember any unfairness in school because I was never less than the best at anything. I certainly don’t understand how hard it is to be an artistic, creative soul in a geeky rule driven world.

Because of the autism of one and the severe speech stammer of the other, my boys did not talk to each other until both were in elementary school. They don’t fight, either physically or verbally. My freshman son tells his friends that his little bro is cool.

When my ex left for a 21 year old (20 years younger than me at the time) the boys were 3 & 6. Just starting special ed preschool and kindergarten. Gosh, its been a tough 10 years alone.

Their artist father lives down the street with his new family but doesn’t see the boys. The other side of the family are professional artists. My side of the family, engineers, computer programmers and accounting.

I drank to black out. Not even to get drunk. I just wanted out.

But, I’m here now. Not wanting out anymore but trying to find a way in their lives.

Creative is my word of the year. I thought it would mean “doing” creative things. Looks like I will be exporing what “being” creative means. The challenges, unfairness and choices that must be faced when we live in a geek driven world and have creative souls.

…Lori

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11 thoughts on “Creative vs Geek

  1. Nowinewino !

    Wow ! Geek you may see yourself as being !
    But you ARE CREATIVE !
    You can write !
    You cut right to the meat of the problem ! No wasted words or convoluted ramblings here !
    I identify with so much that you write ! In my early journey of trying not to drink and being in early recovery I’m not perfect , and I appreciate your honesty !

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  2. It is so nice that they understand each other.
    All you need to do is support them. To be open to hearing their problems and ask how you can help. You won’t be able to fix everything – so don’t even try.

    I hear you. I’m an engineer. I loved rules because they heed me control my anxiety. No rule? Omg how will I function.!
    I’m working on letting the need to control the universe go.

    You are present and available for you son. That is exactly what he needs.

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    • When others say I am a good parent I just cringe. I am not what I call parenting. I just marvel at how they they view the world. It is mature and healthy. To recognize that school is temporary and not “real life”.

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  3. Wow… look at all the obstacles you have overcome. How incredibly strong you are! And to have to deal with your ex-husband living just down the street with his new gf? My God, I would curl up in a ball in the corner somewhere.

    I’m one of those “creative souls” who was pushed into a more logical profession by the suggestions of others around me. My dad’s an engineer, and wanted me to be able to support myself – so I followed his advice and entered the medical field. I don’t regret it, but I do see now that he never really quite understood my passion for artistic endeavors, such as writing and music.

    The simple fact that you are AWARE of the different mindset that your children have, and are making a genuine attempt to see the world from their point of view, proves that you are a kind and compassionate person. You’re not trying to stifle their dreams or re-mold their personalities – you are allowing them to flourish.

    So don’t fret too much about the different perspectives, you seem to be doing a great job! And on a side note, have you ever watched “Temple Grandin”? AMAZING movie about autism. True story too!

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    • Temple’s story changed my whole life and I will write on it. It took me from a place of grief about the diagnosis of autism and started letting me move forward in acceptance.
      I did spot you for a creative soul and wondered how you ended up in the medical field! Do you think it led to addictive behaviours because you felt stifled?

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      • Ooo… I can’t wait to read that! I LOVED the movie – especially because of the way they portrayed the inner-working’s of the Autistic mind in such an artistic way. I was floored.

        I do love helping others, so the medical field isn’t a total bust, but I DID often feel stifled – especially during college. I’m not sure if it led to addictive behavior or not, because I’ve never looked at it from that angle… but I think you just gave me an idea for a new post! Haha… thank you!

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