Jealousy & Anger

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A couple of my biggest triggers showed up yesterday. Driving by a newly built home, I imagined that should have been my family.  I was jealous and angry.

Then my thoughts went to my ex’s wife. She stole everything I should have had. She stole my husband, they have my business, started a family with no special needs kids, and she drives new cars and remodeled their home. She stole my life. And he let her.

In my community I have been called immoral because I’m divorced. Yet he is a lauded member of the community, even though he cheated with the town whore and then married her. Her family has businesses in town so they are well connected.

At work, I keep asking for time off and it’s always, Sure, next week. Next week never seems to come. There is just one more thing.

Triggers. All this stuff makes me want to hide in the house until the feelings go away. Put on my big girl self-esteem panties. Tell myself that I’m good just where my life is at and count my many blessings. Boy, that gets old.

There is a very viable part of me that wants someone to be stronger than me. I would like a chance to not have to be strong for a while. I have not met a man who can take care of me. They have all done very well taking care of their wives, including my ex. Their outsides all look good. What kind of magic do these women do, that makes these weak guys good caretakers?

So, of course I go to – it must be me.

That is the convoluted thinking that anger and jealousy create In my head. That is what gets me triggered.

So, what do I do to unkink my brain? Mostly nothing. I caught myself going there yesterday. I am really quite tired of telling myself that “poor me – the victim” story. It still shows up but without the fuel of alcohol is quiets down quicker.

I look at the ways I can put some action into changing what bothers me. I could move, get a new job or start dating. Or all three. Or none. Or go to therapy. Or blog about it.

In reality, it is very little about me. These guys are all terrific, even my ex. They found the right fit and that is why it works. I am a good employee so my boss doesn’t want me to take time off. She likes the work I do.

I am a strong person, who sometimes feels sorry for herself. That is all. Sobriety is teaching me that I am not my feelings. I HAVE feelings of anger and jealousy. Sober me can listen to my sad story, acknowledge it, and then put it away. I don’t have to drink to make it stop hurting anymore.

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11 thoughts on “Jealousy & Anger

  1. Great post.

    One of life’s biggest lessons that I didn’t learn (obviously) until I was sober is “Don’t play the victim”. That is a route to depression and lack of self-worth etc. Accept life isn’t fair and get on with it – go forward don’t wallow in the past. You’ve described this perfectly here

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Do you go to AA? The 12 steps are an very powerful way to work through anger and resentment.
    If not -you might read the women’s way through the 12 steps. There’s a workbook. I liked it a lot.

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  3. Anonymous

    Try to look at it this way; he cheated on you and he will cheat on her. Just focus on your own life, making it better for you in some small way every single day.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. When he cheated on you , what did your marriage look like ?
    I’m not wanting to upset you , but I’m just thinking about my situation .
    When I was drinking the most , I was awful to my husband , and I’m lucky he’s still here .
    If there’s any way , to look at it from both sides while still being gentle with yourself , it might make it easier to practice acceptance and move forward … It helps to forgive …It’s easier to heal coming from a more peaceful place ! this is purely for your serenity that I suggest this …..
    He is obviously not a good man in that he is not helping you parent your sons at all and I can see that would make you feel angry and resentful …………but why give him the power to almost trigger you into drinking ?
    I think you should give him and his memory the Kon Marie treatment !! If you follow me ! Love and hugs ! Love your blog ! Sally xxx

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    • No, I like to make it all his fault. haha Actually, I forgave him very early on. It was the other girl’s choice to pursue a married man. She made her intentions known around town that she would take him. That’s my tough place. But they have been happily married for longer than I was, so now it’s back to a “me” issue. Lol. I like the thought of KonMaring my problems! Thanks Sally.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Lynn

    You have every right to be pissed off and angry. He’s an unfaithful, yellow-bellied coward of a ba*stard – fact. But just because you have the right doesn’t mean you have to exercise that right. (Well, maybe once in a while. like In the woods, screaming at the trees, or at a rock concert where no one will be able to tell the difference.) But it’s still your right.

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