Day 60

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I made it through. Still not feeling super motivated to stay sober but I am slowly understanding the concept of romanticizing the drink.

I am using the term “think thru the drink” to keep my thoughts clear.

In my head I like choosing the drink, I like drinking it, I’m even seeing the hangover as doable for a day. But it’s the concept of knowing that I will be back to it instantly, no gradual slide. I can FEEL it, if it’s not horrible day one it will be by day two. And I won’t be able to stop. I won’t be blogging anymore. I will go back to feeling shame when my kids see me drink. I will spend lots of money on worthless alcohol.

This weekend I lanscaped and rearranged the house. My kids helped and by Sunday they were happily playing videos & watching movies together. I was in another room thinking that I could be sitting here alone drinking. Nothing accomplished but drinking & overeating from hangovers. Guilt from getting nothing done.

I want my life as it is, no drinking. I just wish these cravings would ease up. It will take some time to get some new memories and some accomplishments completed. That will strengthen my resolve.

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