This time I knew it was coming, that intense desire to drink AFTER the vacation. Settling back in, but not on the routine yet. Extra sleep, no fresh food in the house, a/c needs repair, recording receipts of all the money spent, dog needs extra love, kids are tired, getting ready to go back to work Monday morning.
But, I knew it was coming. That made a big difference in how long I let the thoughts of drinking last. I used some of the usual tools of distraction, played a game, read, slept.
When I restocked groceries, I went back to some of my earliest food tools. Sandwich meat for boys and full sugar, caffeine free pop for me. I bought fruit and salad fixings for the week, but didn’t worry about cooking until I had decompressed. Grandma sent junk food home with us and I just let the kids graze on that.
My mind rebelled at reading sober blogs, I hadn’t kept up too well the last week. This, I felt was important, so I pushed through the apathy and read every word of what I missed. It helped get me back to what I needed to be doing every day to stay sober.
I let myself eat what I wanted on vacation. I made good choices and walked every day. When I came home, I lost it. I ate crap and couldn’t get filled up. My diet suffered more from the post vacation letdown than from the trip. I embraced it, because if I tried to control it, I was so afraid I would choose to drink.
It was a good lesson in what, I absolutely know and believe about my drinking, once I have one drink I will be back to a box of wine every two days, (Almost 3 bottles a day.) I do not have food control issues so, it was an okay place to let control go in exchange for not have a drink.
It seems I need to give up control in safe ways in order to set myself back straight. I read an entire book in one day. I overplayed computer games, I sat way too much, ate junk food and pop, and didn’t do any cooking or cleaning. And read every word of sober support on these blogs!
It’s Monday morning and I feel back to my new normal. My new normal is taking care of myself.