Day 99 – Is It Enough?

Standard

I scheduled a mani-pedi a month ago to happen on Day 100. At the time, I was wondering if I would make it. I could drink tonight. it’s possible, I have seen it happen in these blogs. One more day to 100.

I asked my kids what they thought of me not drinking. How had I changed? Their answer surprised me.

I hadn’t changed. But both said, Isn’t it enough that you aren’t drinking?

Isn’t it enough?

I feel radically different. I feel grown up. I feel calm.

During this time I got over 6 inches cut off my hair, changed the color, lost 15 pounds,  wear new clothes, walk everyday, quit drinking and no one has noticed any change. Not even the haircut.

I drank half a box of wine and blacked out, every single night. But no one saw that. My kids saw me pour wine, but didn’t understand the internal changes.

No one noticed my insides or my outsides.

Is it enough? Is it? If no body else cares about me, do I really need to stop drinking?

I finally care if I stop hurting myself. I finally care about my clothes & hair. I care that I can put on my socks without feeling pain in my hips.

Isn’t it enough that I don’t drink?

I guess not. I want more. I want to care about myself when no one else notices. I am the only one who knows.

And that is enough.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Day 99 – Is It Enough?

  1. I understand this so well. I often berate myself for acting a little self centred when I do it, but reading it from your perspective helps me to see it differently. You want something that is fairly normal – recognition of something amazing you’ve achieved – with what sounds like very praise-worthy side effects too!! Ultimately though you’ve hit the nail on the head. Acknowledge you feel this way but know that the change in itself and the achievement – even if only felt by you – IS enough. More than enough. Well done you. Well done.

    LK

    Like

  2. You’re doing great. I find that it does take quite a while for others to notice the changes that are RIDICULOUSLY obvious to me, in me. Don’t stop now. You’re just gestarted in getting to know YOU. You do deserve all those good changes.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. mishedup

    The most important part of getting sober is that internal shift, and that doesn’t manifest right away. Maybe people did notice the weight loss, the hair cut, external manifestations that really mean very little.
    It will take longer for them to see the real changes wrought by your decision to stop drinking. It IS enough that you see them, it has to be. This is a long-haul process…keep showing up for yourself. Others will get it, or maybe they won’t…you will begin to care less and less, i promise.

    100 days!
    awesome…please keep going!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I think you look great, you sound great anyway. Kids notice NOTHING unless it pertains to them, my kid’s haven’t noticed that all my bottles are now NA, whatevs.
    Better that way, at least they’re not scarred for life and their future therapy sessions may not be about me. 15 lbs is a lot, probably a lot of people noticed. Go get your pedi and buy yourself something pretty:) You did good!!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Untipsyteacher

    Yay!!!
    100 days!!
    Funny, I think nothing has changed for me.
    I still don’t sleep well, (age), my skin looks saggy, (age), my hair is flat (age), I still get mad, (me), etc.
    My husband on the other hand, always mentions how much better I am.
    Go figure!! LOL
    KIDS! They don’t notice stuff.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 4 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s