I scheduled a mani-pedi a month ago to happen on Day 100. At the time, I was wondering if I would make it. I could drink tonight. it’s possible, I have seen it happen in these blogs. One more day to 100.
I asked my kids what they thought of me not drinking. How had I changed? Their answer surprised me.
I hadn’t changed. But both said, Isn’t it enough that you aren’t drinking?
Isn’t it enough?
I feel radically different. I feel grown up. I feel calm.
During this time I got over 6 inches cut off my hair, changed the color, lost 15 pounds, wear new clothes, walk everyday, quit drinking and no one has noticed any change. Not even the haircut.
I drank half a box of wine and blacked out, every single night. But no one saw that. My kids saw me pour wine, but didn’t understand the internal changes.
No one noticed my insides or my outsides.
Is it enough? Is it? If no body else cares about me, do I really need to stop drinking?
I finally care if I stop hurting myself. I finally care about my clothes & hair. I care that I can put on my socks without feeling pain in my hips.
Isn’t it enough that I don’t drink?
I guess not. I want more. I want to care about myself when no one else notices. I am the only one who knows.
And that is enough.