I still crave escape. Every day I think about it.
I re-read all my blog posts at day 100 as a treat to myself. The one thing that stuck was ON and OFF are not feelings.
When I am ON everything is great & EASY. But when things get a little tough, I want out. I want to shut down.
Easier is giving in to OFF. Not fighting the feeling of checking out. I had to learn how to do this by not using alcohol. I need a lot of OFF time.
Easier is choosing something else. I had never tried any other way. Alcohol worked. But, I have learned some new ways to shut down for a while. They didn’t start out easy, but they have gotten easier. And I’m finding alcohol didn’t fix the “I want out” feeling. Other things fix the feeling much better and it goes away.
Easier is waking up feeling better. And then trying again.