Day 113 – Calm School Beginning

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Back to school here. I am shocked at how calm I am.

I had lunch with my coworker friends and we laughed so long I forgot to pick up a kid. It was an early out Wednesday and he just walked home. No big deal, but maybe I’m just a little too relaxed! 🙂

I haven’t done my morning walking or yoga in a few days. I can’t quite figure out the timing of my morning routine with adding school. There is very little food in the house. We are just eating leftovers & popcorn. It’s so different from last year, and all the other drunk years, when I micro managed and over prepared for the new school year.

Being sober is still my #1 priority. I have let the rest go. I’ve noticed that I’m NOT willing to throw away my calmness to fix an imaginary set of circumstances.

WHAT IF?

If my thoughts starting going to What if? I know it’s time to evaluate. What if? means I’m thinking about the future. It’s like the children’s book If You Give  a Pig  a Pancake.

If I forget to pick up my kid from school, he will have to walk home.

If he walks home, he knows I forgot him and don’t love him.

If he thinks I don’t love him, he will look for love elsewhere.

If he looks for love elsewhere, he will try drugs.

If he tries drugs, he will get a drug dealer.

If he gets a drug dealer, he will get a gun.

If he gets a gun, he will shoot himself and die.

Soooo…… if I don’t pick up my kid from school because I was taking care of myself he will die.

This was my brain on alcohol. My new sober brain just says, Meh, he walked home.

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