At Day 127 I’m starting to get a little distance from cravings. I’m still having them, but I am able to think about the reasons and the solutions.
Early on the stimulus to drink started with waking up. Then it progressed through hungry, angry, shame, tired, overwhelm and exhaustion. That was the first 5 minutes. Then it went down hill.
When a craving hit, it felt like it encompassed my whole being. I couldn’t escape from the cloaking fog. My thoughts couldn’t be distracted from getting that drink. Once I poured a glass, before the alcohol even hit my system, there was relief. The fog lifted, my shoulders dropped, I could catch my breath.
Now, I can define the feelings leading up to the craving. My thoughts start racing so fast I can’t linger on one. My breath gets so short that I feel like I’m panting. I find myself clenching my teeth. I want to move, I wring my hands, tap my feet, wiggle in my chair, clench and unclench my shoulders.
Then…I crave. I want this dis-comfort, dis-ease, dis-connect to stop. I want to feel safe and secure inside my self. Much rarer now do I want to numb it or shut it all off. That was my old craving. Now, I want to reconnect my self. I now crave inner quiet.
As I’m making positive changes, my body and mind are creating new routines.
I don’t feel like drinking so much caffeine and yesterday had an enormous caffeine withdrawal headache. I craved a drink to stop the pain.
My eating is becoming more intentional. With mindless eating I was seldom truly hungry. I was starving to fill a void but not experiencing a physical need for food. Now when I’m hungry it’s the real thing. I thought yesterday, I could have a glass and be wasted because I’m so empty. What?! Why would I think that?! Stupid cravings.
I pace through those last 10 minutes before the kids get in the car for school. I’m a drill Sargent firing questions at them. Brush your teeth, did you put PE clothes in your bag, where’s your trumpet, did you put on deodorant, get your reading book, are you SURE your homework is in your bag, is your driver’s license in your bag, cell phone, do you need a hoodie, what’s the temperature? AARGH! Crave.
I’m getting better at breaking down the cravings and finding solutions.
- Not drinking the night before helps my mornings.
- Eating more often keeps my blood sugar level.
- Less caffeine in the morning! I also used my adult Zen coloring book instead of badgering the kids yesterday. I told my son, just a minute, I want to finish coloring these blue circles, then we’ll go. Ha
I know that getting sober is a change. It’s going to make me crave simply because of that fact. Taking care of myself, such as the self-care class, losing weight, yoga, walking the dog, are all routine changes as well as mind/body changes.
Fact: Change makes me cravy.
Fact: Cravings do not have to involve alcohol.
Fact: Sleep, nachos, coloring, meditation all fix cravings.
Fact: Ben & Jerry’s ice cream The Tonight Dough will fix anything. Three out of three family members surveyed agree.