My weight loss is going well. I lost half a pound this week, which is perfect. It is all I can handle right now. I have left the 200’s behind. Even if I ate salty chinese 3 days in a row, I wouldn’t see them.
Now I’m getting ready to leave the 190’s behind. I’m a little panicked. Not for this weight but what will happen after.
I have uncomfortably lived in the 200’s for a couple of years. Previous to that I have lived in the 190’s for ten years. For my short body that’s a size XL or 14. My son asked me what those lumps on my arm were. I told him fat. He said you’re not fat, you’re thick. Ha Okay then! Yep, for me this size is my normal. Everything from my closet fits comfortably.
Leaving this number behind brings up some scary thoughts. Moving to a weight that involved dating in my past. People commenting on my appearance.
And guess what? I’m not even there yet!
I need to trust that the positive feelings will carry with me to the next weight. My self-care will beget more self-confidence. I won’t be drinking and that will change how I handle my new body relations.
What if my new weight brings me great joy?! It’s funny how those thoughts don’t cross my mind.
My goal for myself is to flip my weight statements to positive.
- I don’t have to start dating even though I told myself I would when I lost weight.
- I can buy new clothes that feel comfortable to me. Even if that means I live in exercise clothes.
- I can feel joy, not shame about my body.
- I can spend money on pretty things without spending equal money on others.
- I am not losing weight. My body is reshaping itself with my healthy choices. When I was at a different weight before, I was a drinker. The numbers on the scale may be the same as before, but the person inside is different.
I am sober. I use my self-care and rewards. I am happy. I am approaching a new me. I do not want to go back to that other body. That body is in the past. Those choices are in the past. I do not need to pre-worry about facing those issues again. I get to CREATE (my word of the year) a new body based on healthy choices.
I need to stop worrying that I will go back to who I was.