Day 135 – Fine Tuning My Song

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I have been making some changes. Not like the ginormous kinds of change that the first part of getting sober needed, but just a click or two of the radio dial. My new song a little louder, less bass, more melody, clarity not crackley static.

“My background” the drumming beat of the past. My childhood, my little sister getting cancer at 12, my mom having breast cancer when I was 11. My adult years of dating, jobs, babies, divorce.

“My chorus line” the routine of my days. My kids, my home, my books. My comforts and securities. The things I return to after playing with changes. The purpose and essence of the song. 

“My melody” the notes that bounce, dive and dance around “my story”. Refining my story from – I haven’t painted the porch because my marriage fell apart 10 years ago and I have been doing everything alone – changing to – I haven’t painted the porch. No story attached. Painting the porch as a choice, not a victim’s story.

The biggest change is done. Getting sober. Setting down the main track to my new song. Drinking was my entire melody line 135 Days ago. Now  I’m tweaking the melody, making a note flat or sharp. Eating a salad not a burger, turning the tv off 30 minutes earlier, re-purposing something I own instead of buying new.

These are fun changes. Just tiny tweaks. Some choices stay, some are too goofy to keep. Some work for a day, a week, a month. Fun, unique, crazy, quiet, serene, gentle, sweet, spicy, salty, teary, weepy.

My song. I get to write it.

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