From the Louise Hay FB post this morning – what I took to heart was – If you grew up with fighting in the home, there was no place for your inner child to go for comfort. As an adult, when I beat myself up there is no place for my inner child to go for comfort.
Take a break BEFORE you break. I will go 100 miles an hour than crash for the whole weekend. I want to change this. The speaker said when she breaks every 20 minutes she can work all day. When she works continuously for 2 hours she is done for the day. Most of us go full tilt on good days and then crack.
Let go of breath holding:
- Make a fist.
- You naturally hold your breath. The fist represents pain/stress in the body.
- Try to visualize your breath flowing into the fist.
- The fist naturally wants to open.
- I need to breathe into my pain/suffering.
- Feel the chair beneath you.
- Feel your heaviness.
- Allow the chair to hold you.
- We often fight gravity in our day.
I am tortured by my habitual action of pushing pain away. I had a glass of wine in one hand and my other outstretched to keep the pain away. I need to put down the wine, open both hands and let my pain sit quietly in my hands. I need to treat it with tenderness. Then I can hold my pain in one hand and the other hand can hold pleasures, like a walk or birds singing in the other. My arms will be balanced. Balance brings confidence.
I can tell that I am getting much closer to the WHY of my drinking. The things I am uncovering feel like a hug. They resonate and feel less AH HA and more – You Get Me. For most of my life I have dealt with extreme emotional pain. All of my therapists have told me that I have had an unusually high amount. I never believed them because I know so many people who have it worse. I’m starting to see that is isn’t about a few really hard things in life, it is the constant barrage of pain over the course of 40 years. I feel uncomfortable even saying that I have lots of pain because it feels like I am discounting other people. Like, my pain is worse than yours. Like, I should count the many blessings I have and be thankful. I do that, but it doesn’t heal me. Being grateful is lovely and important, but it is an easy cover for me to once again push away the pain instead of moving towards it.
Okay. The End of the ramble Whew!