As painful as it was, a good purge of emotions was just what I needed this week. When I woke up I felt like my insides had been given a bath and scrubbed clean.
- Talking to REAL adults. REALLY honestly.
- Practicing MINDFULNESS every day. Not always in a “formal sit” but also in the everyday moments.
- Learning about and using the tool of “The I’m Not Good Enough Story”. The hook is the story. I am learning to unhook from the story. The Story: I am fat & ugly. First Say: I am having the thought of I am fat & ugly. Then Say: I notice that I am having the thought of I am fat & ugly. I used this when I drove by a beautiful new home-built by a couple my age with kids about the same age whose marriage has survived and they have the life I should have had. The story: I am jealous. I am having the thought I am jealous. I notice that I am having the thought that I am jealous. And sure enough, my jealous feeling was gone! Because I am not my thoughts!!! My brain released it as a THOUGHT and my silly old brain went skipping right on by that thought. Final Result: I can now drive by that house and smile because the wonderful special ed teacher who lives there has a daughter who is friends with my son at school. The Story has lost it’s power.
- For this last year of battling to be sober I have been focusing on Rewards & Treats to take good care of myself. I started with my outsides. New drinks, yummy food, good books, fun clothes, mani pedi’s, fun haircolors. I am seeing that my next year of Rewards & Treats is starting to go internal. Mindfulness, forgiveness, sharing, self-massage, yoga. The issues in my tissues. I have learned what it takes to make my outsides feel good. Next I will learn to care for my insides (my insides sometimes lie to me – like saying I’m fat & ugly!)
- I am getting a backbone. Yoga is teaching me to stretch my spine every day in 6 directions. Bend forward, backward, side, other side and twist in each direction. I imagine the spaces between my vertebrae expanding toward the direction. There are so many lessons to be learned about the spine. Both metaphorically and physically. Space, strength and as SubarbanBetty said “have an F***U always ready”. Love that!
So here’s to me pulling up my big girl panties this morning. Off to face my day battling my THOUGHTS with a new story, a strong backbone, a few rewards & treats and if necessary a good f***u.