I decided that ONE WEEK of grief was enough. People have car accidents all the time.
That was not a good decision. I am not sleeping, have terrible heartburn, am short with my kids and am very angry at my job situation.
I really don’t have time for these feelings. I am trying to SOLVE this problem. In a conversation with a girlfriend she said she waits for a sign, for an answer to present itself. She distracts herself until things work out naturally.
She noticed that I need an answer to move forward. I said that if I wait for answers like she does, I don’t get to choose my life. Why would I ever give up my own choice and instead let others decide for me?
We both think our way is best. It was interesting that she noticed it. I think this could also be the definition of a “strong” woman. One who chooses.
Having a car accident has taken away my ability to choose. And the decisions that I am forced to make have to be made without enough information. I don’t know about cars and have to rely on SALESMEN to give me accurate information…yeah, no thanks. The car I choose must be safe for my kids and get me to both my jobs throughout the winter.
I can’t take care of my family. That is the thought running through my head and churning up my stomach.
The 7 Stages of Acceptance and The 5 Stages of Grief have been printed and are hanging on the fridge. The kids and I check each morning to see where we are. I am rocking between depression, bargaining and shock. My 16 year old is having some aggression in response to the situation. When he does, we look at the stages and see that aggression is a form of anger. Then we follow the path to acceptance. I remind him that we will all get there in our own time.
I am ready to get to acceptance. I have DECIDED that I want to be in the Stage of Acceptance. It is going to happen and by golly I will CHOOSE to be in Acceptance.
Why isn’t it working?