The End – of in a row.

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7 Months of no alcohol in a row. Made it to Day 219.

I still do not own a car – it’s been over a month since the accident. I had a gas leak in my home and one son and I got sick. Both of my kids started failing school due to the stress of almost losing me twice in a month.

I drank a little the last two nights. It was fine. It did take the edge off. But I dumped over half out this morning.

I simply ran out of energy and answers and went back to something familiar. Since I quit drinking my life has gotten worse and I have spent a lot of money and time on answers that haven’t worked.

So, I start over. Calmly, with no shame.

I have been hanging on by a thread trying to keep myself sober for 7 months. Now, I can relax. The horror stories about relapse didn’t come true for me. Being sober is now a choice. My couple nights of drinks didn’t destroy anything but a cumulative number.

I want to continue being sober. It feels good. Sober didn’t make my problems go away. Drinking didn’t make my problems go away.

I just have some crappy problems.

It’s actually taken the pressure off. I had misplaced my stress all on staying sober. Which, of course, made me want to drink even more. It feels like a huge sense of freedom. I’m not fighting a number of days. Instead, I have discovered my own choice.

I removed my sober counter app. I like knowing that I prefer a life without alcohol. I have failed at perfect and I can breathe again.

I got caught up on sober blogs this morning and listened in on my Yoga Recovery group. Just embracing whatever feels right. This doesn’t feel like my thousands of other Day One’s filled with shame and self-loathing.

It is simply another day in my Recovery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “The End – of in a row.

  1. So glad your safe ! I can think of millions of annoying cliches but keeping it simple springs to mind .
    Your life’s blossoming was so exciting to witness , it doesn’t need to contract and wither again .
    There’s such a raw honesty in this post though …..maybe it’s good to set aside the burden of perfectionism for a bit and let it all settle .
    You’re not alone , people are moved by your journey and are thinking about you ! Love Sally xxx
    Ps . I’m a damn mess at this moment , your post helped me today !

    Like

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