In my Yoga Recovery group the speaker had 10 years of sobriety, followed by 3 years of drinking, followed by 18 years sobriety. For whatever reason, people kept sharing their age – 52. It was crazy.
Whenever I listen, I find something meaningful, even if sometimes people drone on. This was my motivation yesterday. Sit and listen for “that thing”.
And I heard, over and over again, that 52 year old people stumble, have stumbled, and in the future will stumble again. AND THEN THEY GET UP AND KEEP GOING. Yes, it’s lovely when it all goes according to schedule but honestly, that’s not what I want to hear in those meetings. I want to hear the hope.
I am broken right now. I have broken in the past. I will break again in the future. No matter how perfectly I keep my schedule I can’t keep life from changing.
Drinking makes time stand still.
That sounds like such a relief to me. If I just sit here and don’t move – literally – nothing can happen. Except, I can hear my ceiling leaking from the rain into a bucket that has four inches of water in it. I can see the “red ticket” from the energy company taped to my fireplace that says – Hazardous Condition. When I let the dog outside there is no car in the garage.
When things break I have to make a decision. Keep using it a little differently, repair it or junk it. I have limped along through my drinking years by just getting through. I kept things the same but made concessions for my drinking “relief”. The past year I have struggled with repairing my life from drinking. I have embraced everything. Certain things were great but didn’t stick. And right now, I wonder if it was all a waste of time and money and I should just junk it.
Keep using it, repair it or junk it.
In the yoga recovery meeting people shared how different programs have helped them. The overall consensus was Other People & Movement.
So that is my first repair. More blogging, out to lunch with friends, and get off my butt.