For the last 6 weeks I have cried in the shower every morning. Yesterday I told myself it was the last time. I told my kids that I was going to go out and buy us a new van – TODAY.

And I did.

I drove one van – and bought it. I didn’t even have enough cash in the bank to cover the check. The staff offered to cover the money until my Dad could wire me the balance. I accepted every single offer of help from friends and family.

I drove to buy Christmas presents, which I had been unable to do before now. I drove to the library to check out some books and part 2 of the Outlander TV show.

I drove to pick up in kids in my new van – one that I am not settling for from the local dealership. That one leaked oil and they wouldn’t fix the starter or fuel gauge to sell to me. They kept saying – soon – soon.  But as soon as I told them NO – that van was fixed and put out to sell. The other car for my kids, that also leaks oil – they still don’t have the title for 7 weeks later. That will be returned to them this morning. I AM DONE WITH A**HOLES!

Being in a sad place is like a radar for abuse for me. When I need the most care it seems to draw out the jerks. This is why I don’t trust. It is why I don’t date.

Ahh – anger. What a great emotion!! Sooo much better than sad 🙂


18 thoughts on “Progress

  1. Wow can I relate to this….in the past year I’ve gone from always being the victim of everyone else’s garbage to discovering how many choices I really do have and SLOWLY with each sane decision and each boundary set it’s gotten WAY better. It sounds like you took an action you needed to take, you took care of yourself! …to someone who doesn’t struggle with this stuff, buying the van is an everyday event…for you, for us….it’s an amazing act of self-love. I’m so happy for you. Enjoy your day.


  2. Love this! Please continue to kick ass in this fashion. You do have not to be angry forever but do remember the empowerment that it gives you and keep that part. You are nobody’s doormat, go get your life:)


      • I totally understand that! I used to think, well I’m not going to be the one who loses my temper, that’s just low-brow (spoken from my high-ass horse). But there’s some value in occasionally going “crazy-bitch”. You just can’t hold that shit in forever or you’ll pop a vein in your head:) Seriously though, I really admire that TCB attitude and that gets you want in life.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s