Scared of Alcoholism


So, my new man could barely spit out the word “Are you saying your an … alco…hol…you know *gasp* …ic?”

You should have heard me giggle. The look of horror on his face clearly exposed his “normie” status. When he saw me smiling he wasn’t sure how to take it. Obviously he expected this to be a SERIOUS issue.

He said he was really looking forward to taking me out for a nice meal and a bottle of wine. I said, even if I hadn’t quit drinking I didn’t drink when I was out. He said it sounded like I drank because I had a lot if sad issues. So if I wasn’t sad and only drank when I was happy could I have a beer with him then?  I said, I never had ANY alcohol and drove so even if I hadn’t quit drinking I would not have had a beer at his place and drove home. He said that he wouldn’t be able to have a beer in front of me. I said why? Because, he said, that would make me feel bad because I couldn’t have one.

Oh my, so funny. I know you bloggers have written all kinds of this stuff before, but I haven’t run into it yet. Absolutely classic response. If I hadn’t read about how “normies” think this may have bothered me. But every line by him had been addressed in these blogs. His response was surprising but I quickly saw the pattern. I was also relieved because I didn’t know what kind of a drinker he was.

In my past (you know, last year & before, when I was a drinker) a date would come to my house and I would have poured the date a glass of wine and I would have poured myself a third glass of wine, cuz I was nervous before the date a needed a couple glasses to relax. Date would drink the one glass and not want anymore. I would be smashed but no one could tell. After a few more dates, the guy would wander away from the relationship. He wouldn’t be able to really say why, but I just wasn’t the one. It was subtle that drinking, but that sense of just ‘not clicking’ with someone was felt. I had gotten to the point of not even crying when the inevitable call came.

This will be my first sober relationship. Well, at least on my part. And I have freaked him out. We have had, I know this is crazy in less than two weeks, but we have had 2 lunches with the work staff and 6 meals at my house. He hasn’t brought alcohol to my house for any of the meals. He did say he had a bottle of wine in his fridge that had been there for two years and should he bring that? Naw, that’s (GROSS & abuse of good alcohol!! Two years are you f*ing kidding me!!) okay. I’m good.

I mean really, is this not funny! I was just having a normal relationship, as normies do, but when I talked about being sober he got scared. So interesting. I am getting a real sense of why it is hard to convince doctors and politicians that addictions need more compassionate thought. If you are not an addict, drinking isn’t an issue and alcoholism is scary.

I know he is worried. I can see the wheels turning in his brain imagining a perfect evening out. He wants to give me a beautiful romantic moment just like on the tv commercials. One of the greates gifts being sober has given me is the ability to see beyond that tv moment. To be creative with my time. I’m learning what I love to spend time doing.

I hope he realizes that we are already having a sober relationship. I know what it would have been if I was still drinking and I know this is better. He doesn’t have that same reference point. New is scary. I am a new type of human to him. One he has not encountered. I am an alco…hol…*gasp*… ic!

8 thoughts on “Scared of Alcoholism

  1. Hi, Lori. I seriously doubt he cares whether or not you’re going to be sipping wine together romantically. I’m guessing the issue might be fear that there is a SCARY ALCOHOLIC lurking beneath the surface of darling little you. Because Normal drinkers who haven’t experienced a proximity to serious drinking have a characature in their minds of what it means to be an alcoholic. So he’s getting new information to process.
    I’m never going to admit to being defective, but our propensity to drinking does make us different, like lactose intolerance (but I wanted to eat ice cream with you!) Or celiacs disease (but I wanted to eat bread with you!) Same deal. You are doing all the right things! Good for you:)

    Liked by 7 people

  2. I’m with Suburbanbetty… the label “alcoholic” is scary to many, so his first response is likely just a jolt to the term. The fact that he suggested not drinking in front of you is positive, especially right out of the gate… it implies thoughtfulness. I LOVE how you handled this 🙂


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