I’m not good at transitions. They make me itchy… to drink, to cry, to get crazy, to spend, to eat….anything to take the edge off the discomfort of moving from one moment to the next.
I am still in my relationship. The longest one since getting divorced 11 years ago. My kids are experiencing farm life and relishing time outdoors. I didn’t realize that my fear of leaving the house I passed on to them. When we go where no one can see us we all feel so free. They are observing how physically challenging farm chores can be. School is out in 2 weeks and our summer is going to be very different than our usual time indoors in front of screens.
Work has completely changed. I have an offer in to buy two tax offices and it was accepted. But…the owner is not getting in her part of the paperwork. I am walking a financialy scary time of unemployment, part time hours and beginning my own bookkeeping business.
Did I make it through sober? Nope. Do I begin every day wanting to not drink? Yes 🙂 Do I know that I am an alcoholic? Yes 🙂 Does being an alcoholic fill me with fear? Not like it used to. I couldn’t even say that word in my own brain let alone in print. There are even times I have even said it out loud!
And my new guy is understanding more the meaning behind it for me. It isn’t crazy wild nights followed by puking the next day. It’s about sneaking a drink alone when no one is watching to take the edge off the transitions. Those darn transitions.
My “Year of Yes” and being a “Do-er” instead of a dreamer is happening. And it is uncomfortable. So here I am pushing through discomfort and writing on my sober blog, that I am back in the game. I am here. My story isn’t going to end by my disappearing from my blog or from hiding in my own home.