After a staff meeting, we met the new owner and new manager for two of the offices. (I am still in the up and down process of buying the remaining two.) I could have worked with this new team, but I knew I couldn’t become an employee again. (Though I learned some new ideas, and was a bit caught up in the excitement, almost enough to question myself!)
As I decompressed after the meeting, I realized that I’m grateful I didn’t go down the path of More, Better, Faster. I could tell these managers were hungry and striving to achieve goals. I am relieved to finally get off the work roller coaster ride of keeping things running and hitting numbers.
I came home, watched mindless TV and had ice cream. I went to bed early and chose not to talk to my friend until morning, just sent a quick text good night. I kind of wanted to drink, but thankfully had blogged yesterday and that helped keep me on the right path.
Work issues have kept me in limbo all summer and after this meeting, I am convinced that I have chosen the best path for me. I have owned many businesses, all with the hope of success and big dreams. This time I am building a business of maintenance for a calm, quiet retirement. I guess, retirement in this sense means always working, but not trying to be Better, Faster and have More than other businesses. It is about retiring from the rat race.
As I sat this morning and contemplated what my next 30 years of work will look like, I am content. I will be 53 in a couple days. I think working part time and gardening the rest of the time is the best gift I can give myself. And in my future dreams I noticed that alcohol is not part of this picture. The three owner/managers I met with are high energy and strung out and have the bodies and lifestyles to match. That used to be me. I felt a calmness yesterday that I’ve not felt before. I was able to step back from the middle and was able to just hang out on the edge of conversations.
My friend pointed out that I like to be the center of attention. After stepping back yesterday, I see his point. I was no longer in charge. A year ago, that would have bothered me. This year, through all my work of learning about myself, with lots of sober time, I am changed. I don’t want to be the one in the middle holding it all together. Ahhh…big sigh of relief….