That bit of time I spent drinking wasn’t bad. But it was just enough to recognize that I am sad and tired when I use alcohol. I know right…taking a depressant, makes me depressed! I don’t have clinical depression, but I definitely had signs of chemically induced depression.
Not terrible sleep…but just uncomfortable enough.
Not bad headaches…but just enough to take an aspirin in the afternoon.
Not throwing up…but just craving something heavy for breakfast to coat my stomach.
Not sitting in the chair all day…but just not able to stay focused or interested at work.
Not breaking up…but just enough small fights to question the relationship.
Not bored…but just not enough passion about the things that make me happy.
The lure of peace, calmness & energy was just enough to help me choose not drinking these last few days. It wasn’t learning how to live sober like in the beginning. I already know how to do self-care. It was just enough of a wake-up call that I know I can feel better.
I feel like Dorothy when she opens the door in Oz. I was in the tornado of “things I can’t control” and I have opened the door to technicolor. I’m sleeping great, feel full of energy and I have a calmness that let’s me do what I love until I forget the time.
It is true alcoholism. An ugly word. A rather icky lifestyle of secrets. But it’s mine. And I’m extremely grateful that this time “just enough” discomfort was enough to stop drinking.