They just don’t bother me anymore. How did I get there? I took ownership of my words.
I began to exchange past words with current ones. Instead of “my family always..” or “my friends and I always did…” for Fourth of July, Christmas, New Years Eve, Labor Day… I began saying I’m going to
- Can pickles all day
- Binge watch Outlander Season 2
- Color Easter Eggs
- Finally perfect a lump free bechamel
- Kon Mari my closet
Not just for holidays, I exchanged when “we” bought “our” house to when “I bought my house.” Yes I bought it while married, but he lived here for 6 years and I’ve been here 18 years! Examples:
- When I had kids
- When I had a garden
- On vacation I went to
- I moved
- I celebrated
- I decorated
Even though I may have done these things with my spouse, my family or my friends, I changed the ownership words. I took pride in my past choices and realized I DID choose to do these things. It wasn’t because my family always did it such and such a way (because I sure don’t repeat all the CRAP things). I now choose MY best fun.
I’m grateful alcohol was not in my family growing up, so the holidays aren’t triggery that way, but I sure battled the blues about how much apparent fun it was to be a family around the holidays. Being a single mom is waaaaay easier for holiday stress. Slice and bake cookies are not a failure versus making and decorating cookies with toddlers. (All cookies matter.)
So make your own traditions and let others tag along on your fun. Quit depending on “we” as the standard for deciding what you want.