Tiny Temptation ~ Big Lesson

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My guy asked if I wanted something in my lemonade. I said yes. Ice. He laughed and named a bunch of booze, and said he doesn’t know what goes with lemonade. (In my head I thought – anything if your an alcoholic!) But I said vodka. He asked if I wanted a shot of that. (Alcoholic brain said – No silly – I want to finish the bottle!) I just went with ice.

Later on he said, well by now the alcohol would be worn off and you could drive home. (Yes, if I had ONE, but why would I do that!) I reminded him that I had already been home once and back – we only live 4 miles apart-  since he offered me the drink, and secondly, it was a holiday weekend making it doubly stupid because the cops are assuming everyone is drunk. He said, but it’s just one? I said that a tiny mistake could have huge consequences. 

He gets it differently than me. He won’t drink or use a phone and drive because he has a high end trucking licence. I don’t drink and drive because ONE drink is not in my vocabulary.

I did mention to him that I was currently off the sauce. He raised his eyebrows and said – You’ve been drinking without me? Haha (Of course! I much prefer to drink alone!) 

I suddenly realized that I hadn’t spent many evenings at his house while I had been relapsing. I had been wondering why he had been a bit distant. And now I got it. I was keeping the distance so he wouldn’t know I was drinking. As this is the first time in my life that I have attempted to not drink, this is my first (semi) sober relationship. 

What an eye-opening experience. Firstly, I don’t need to share my alcoholic brain thoughts with him. I don’t need to convince him. He will probably never get it and that’s okay with me. Secondly, holy cow, my behavior led to me pushing him away. Never in a million years would I have thought I was the one doing wrong. It has always been the guy’s fault. How very Katie Byron. Turn that thought around. “You are pulling away ~ I am pulling away.” 

My drinking (which I thought if I kept it secret wouldn’t hurt anyone but me) has wrecked relationships. 

This is good important stuff to know. Now I can do better. 

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3 thoughts on “Tiny Temptation ~ Big Lesson

  1. HI, Lori. You say don’t need to convince him, and if he wasn’t suggesting you spike your lemonade (more than once after you said no) I’d agree with you. It might be a good idea to attempt to explain your perspective and how it differs from the norm. I mean, most of us here are not exactly take-it-or-leave-it types, right?? We’re a bit different:) Anyway, awesome perception about your relationships, past and present.

    Like

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