Not just a quote from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I am better.
I was truly happy to have Monday roll around! I got back to work. During the summer I had moved the payroll part of my busness to my house, locked filing cabinets & all. Five minutes of work doesn’t equal a round trip 50 minute car ride. So, all work & file cabinets got moved back to the office building, putting my home and the office back in order!
On Friday, I put out a call to my girls ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ to see if any were free. That was extremely helpful to keep from isolating and one of the girls who missed Friday sat with me a couple hours at the office yesterday. I have always done breakups alone, what a difference, Sober choices have brought me so many friends!
As I was explaining to her some of the reasons the relationship fell apart I started to understand my role in it. I even let my shame go and told her about the role drinking played in the relationship. We laughed as she compared her recent “relapse” of making homemade cinnamon rolls two days in a row! It helped me to realize that drinking relapses don’t mean the end. The good life I created with my soberness (I’m still very proud of 7 months in a row!) is still here.
One of the surprises from yesterday, was when I said OUT LOUD to her that I am an alcoholic. It’s not just “a drinking problem”. I think it was the first time I have ever really understood that alcohol is dangerous to me, not just a bad habit. Two things helped reinforce that. Gaby’s story from the Bubble Hour podcast and Hangover Free Life’s post on body damage. (links at the end) Both of these reminded me that alcohol is really bad for my body in terms of health. I have been mostly focused on the emotional aspects and trying to fight against my brain/cravings.
During this crappy breakup time I’m glad I kept reading sober blogs and listening to sober podcasts. I used my sober tools to deal with life. And I’m getting better.