Everything I have been hearing in the last few days has spent time talking about co-dependent behavior. I’m guessing it has been there all along, and I just couldn’t hear it.
Well, my little co-dependent mind, we are in for a bumpy ride. The world is conspiring to communicate to us. Do we choose to accept this mission? Hell ya! Bring on another crappy part of myself to heal. I am feeling wonderful from being sober and I’m looking forward to feeling even better by learning about this issue.
So far – this is what the definition of co-dependent means to me….I do, say or feel things that take away the other person’s ability to choose. THEN I get upset that I have to do, think or feel their stuff because they dont. I dont allow them to choose because it will be wrong according to my standards. I need to control (guarantee) the outcome. I see this with my kids, my friends and especially my work.
What makes it CO dependent? They let me. Through
- their fear of getting yelled at (Moi-dramatically emotional? Not Moi.)
- it’s simply easier (I don’t want to pick up dog poop either!)
- their own low self-esteem (“I always do it wrong according to you Mom”)
they are the (unknowingly) complicit other half of my controlling actions.
Episode 2 of the podcast Yogachurch (link follows) had the two women talking through this issue in regards to parenting. I liked the way they worked the issue beginning to end using a series of questions (and the observations of each other).
What an eye-opener. I thought co-dependent was just for marriages. I’m not married so no issue! Ha! It always amazes me that as smart as I am, some of this obvious stuff completely eludes me.
Bring on the Co-dependency!!