I had healed enough from the break-up to go back and wrap up some loose ends. My son has his trampoline at the farm, I have a huge ladder in my garage, things that need some large scale arranging.
We didn’t want to rehash the past, but we both apologized. And we discovered our way back to a shaky friendship.
The last three days we have found our way back to a strong friendship. I brought up the concept of co-dependency. We talked about what we thought it meant between us, but more importantly where it started from in our families growing up and in our ex-marriages.
As we were rather inseparable, we caught moments where one of us used a behavior to try and change the outcome. (Mostly me 😉 We just laughed and moved on. Once the behavior was spotted, it lost it’s energy.
We went shopping and we each bought things for ourselves. We discussed how both of us have put ourselves last while caring for our families. We both agreed to focus on our own self-care rather than on each other. It was a lot more fun for me! A few weeks ago I would have been wrapped up in getting his to-do list done and forgone my own. Instead, I got to come home with new clothes and tennis shoes that I bought for myself! He came home with new clothes and a food processor for himself. And I bought nothing for my kids – actually forgot for a while that I even had them.
Being able to take care of myself, instead of losing myself, in a relationship will be something new for me. Being friends within a relationship instead of trying to make their life easier (because somehow I know better than they do) will be a burden lifted.