Day 2 of Quiet – Wasn’t

My crazy inner thoughts! I felt all the beginnings of a drinking weekend coming up. Racing, low self-esteem thoughts, imaginary future conversations and dwelling /replaying past conversations. What is wrong with me!?!

So I fought back as best as I’ve learned so far…

• I did one small thing and then sat and meditated until my brain stopped racing. I was able to get quite a bit done this way. I spent most of the morning (it felt like) with my eyes closed and looking inward. 
• I have been working on this co-dependent thing and trying not to use the friend as an excuse. The line from the book I keep telling myself is “What would you be doing now if you weren’t in the relationship?” This is huge for me. I FINALLY recognized that I am using the relationship as an avoidance tactic. (I feel frantic and he feels smothered. Ah Ha Moment!)
• Since my head was exploding with thoughts and I was anxious, I wanted to get out of the house and shop. This was my toughest struggle. I am choosing not to create debt with financial sobriety. I literally felt like I did a year ago when I was at the one month mark for not drinking (which I am for financial sobriety). Resentful that I couldn’t drink (spend) everyone else is having fun (shopping) I want to numb out.  I watched some TV to distract myself (free TV through apps!) And went to bed early.

This was a good lesson in life today. Just as it took me a while to understand that the drinking was making me miserable (not I was miserable let’s drink!) I had an epiphany that racing thoughts and spending are making me miserable. Fixing the real problem by meditation, staying present and aware and not participating in the avoidance behaviors made me successful one more day.