Day 8 – Discoveries

Standard

Discovery from a podcast: Wanting to reach out and make it better = Co-dependent behavior.

Yesterday, my friend was working next door to my office. I saw him and he wouldn’t respond. I waited a long time before I went home hoping we could talk. (I texted, called & waited in front of the door & he ignored it all.)

Indifference, cold-shoulder, not answering, not responding, is a terrible punishment. I had sent two long texts last week apologizing and no response. I actually cried during several appointments. I could feel the sadness bursting out. I knew I was going to have to stay home & sob this weekend. 

After I got home one of the girls texted (she didnt want to upset me during the day) that as soon as I left yesterday night he came in to the office and asked for me. He then told the girls we were fighting and he was done with the drama. They said it was pretty uncomfortable.  But it makes me feel better because at least anger means that there is emotion. 
I mean, I really feel better. How weird. 

Discovering that I am using co-dependency skills definitely makes me want to stop trying to fix it. Discovering that the more I push, the worse I make things. Now, I have been TOLD that before, but the podcast helped me UNDERSTAND my behavior. 

I will take anger over indifference any day. 

I woke up refreshed and ready to get on with the business of getting on. I can’t save the relationship. I can appreciate the gifts it gave me. 

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14 thoughts on “Day 8 – Discoveries

  1. My heat goes out to you. You know I think we drink in some part because we feel broken or incomplete…then somehow our drinking breaks things even more…leaving us worse for the wear almost always….I’m so glad you’re giving yourself the gift of healing and sobriety. I hope things turn out okay with you relationship but even if they don’t I hope most of all that you find peace and strength in sobriety and self-care. I’m rooting for you. And I’m sorry you’re hurting. Have a good weekend.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Jenn!!! Going to get some seeds planted today for my future garden. You are so right about drinking & relationships. Your stories have given me strength about making things better (not perfect) while sober.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I’m with you — any response is better than no response. The good thing about backing off is that it gives him space to come forward. It’s hard to be angry at someone who is no longer present. And if you have let go of the results, you can go about healing without being too concerned about the outcome of the relationship. You’ve apologized over and over again. You’ve done the only thing humanely possible to fix the problem. Everything else is out of your hands, which is where you really want it to be. You can now take a deep breath and concentrate on you. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Lori, my takeaway from your story is BUT HE ASKED FOR YOU. Which would make me feel better too:) (Workplace awkwardness notwithstanding…) Sometimes it takes acting like a complete asshole and being called on it to realize that we need stop acting like assholes. To see that, this is clearly NOT JUST ABOUT ME HERE and other people are affected by my decisions.
    I love that you just keep sticking it out and don’t give up! I’ve been reading your blog since June 2015 and I have to say you really seem like a different person (YES IN A GOOD WAY!), more confident, less fearful, more driven. I’m really happy for you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad you feel refreshed. Sounds like the reflection helped to do that as well.

    I just wanted to share that in my first 10 days, I was only really able to admit that I was an alcoholic. And an addict. And it was a grueling process. And everybody around him in my life paid the price for my own easy transition. I just wanted to share that because it got better for me, and I think it will get better for him.

    Like

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