I went back and read my blog posts before the relationship. I did not remember that I had ended my 7 months sobriety BEFORE the relationship. I ended it over my car accident.
I get very tired of remembering things incorrectly. Before I had children, my teens, 20’s & 30’s, I would fight anyone who told me I was wrong. After a good few years of ‘baby brain’, my 40’s, I realized that it was okay to be wrong. After ‘baby brain/fog’ lifted, my current brain status, I found it was even okay to laugh at how poorly I remembered. Especially when everyone was the same. It’s just normal human stuff.
Looking back at before the relationship I thought I was so settled and content. Not according to my blog posts though. During the relationship I was happy. But I was giving away all my time and energy to someone else. THAT is something I do very well. Caretake. Manage. Control. Name your poison.
So, I got sober for a while. (Yeah me!) But hadn’t really found MY SOBER LIFE. Then I started a relationship (Another Yeah Me! for taking a chance.) But I was piggybacking on someone else’s life. Now, it’s time to start my new life.
I would love to garden, but my house is on the market. Do I take it off for 4 years until my youngest graduates? Do I start a garden and look at it as a selling feature? Do I not garden and get a summer job? Do I keep fixing up the house and push hard to sell? Then do I buy/rent another one? And start all over?
What part of the thought process feels like a sober life? The part where I get lost in my passions, when I can’t wait to wake up and start thinking. My Pinterst (Lori’s Books) has 3 sections, recipes, garden and decorate. Things not on my Pinterst, fashion, tattoos, art, parenting, health & fitness, and a whole bunch of other stuff.
Following my areas of interest and passion is going to help me find My New Life.