I went back and read my blog posts before the relationship. I did not remember that I had ended my 7 months sobriety BEFORE the relationship. I ended it over my car accident.
I get very tired of remembering things incorrectly. Before I had children, my teens, 20’s & 30’s, I would fight anyone who told me I was wrong. After a good few years of ‘baby brain’, my 40’s, I realized that it was okay to be wrong. After ‘baby brain/fog’ lifted, my current brain status, I found it was even okay to laugh at how poorly I remembered. Especially when everyone was the same. It’s just normal human stuff.
Looking back at before the relationship I thought I was so settled and content. Not according to my blog posts though. During the relationship I was happy. But I was giving away all my time and energy to someone else. THAT is something I do very well. Caretake. Manage. Control. Name your poison.
So, I got sober for a while. (Yeah me!) But hadn’t really found MY SOBER LIFE. Then I started a relationship (Another Yeah Me! for taking a chance.) But I was piggybacking on someone else’s life. Now, it’s time to start my new life.
I would love to garden, but my house is on the market. Do I take it off for 4 years until my youngest graduates? Do I start a garden and look at it as a selling feature? Do I not garden and get a summer job? Do I keep fixing up the house and push hard to sell? Then do I buy/rent another one? And start all over?
What part of the thought process feels like a sober life? The part where I get lost in my passions, when I can’t wait to wake up and start thinking. My Pinterst (Lori’s Books) has 3 sections, recipes, garden and decorate. Things not on my Pinterst, fashion, tattoos, art, parenting, health & fitness, and a whole bunch of other stuff.
Following my areas of interest and passion is going to help me find My New Life.
Great post. I wish you well with the future. I’m sure you’ll figure out what is right but gardening does look like a passion that has to be in there somewhere for you.
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Maybe do some container gardening for now. Best wishes to you in your continued recovery!
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Sell it! Move to another state! Change your name! I’m kidding.
These are the things that should consume your thoughts, because they are all directly related to your happiness.
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Oh boy do I sometimes wish I could do all that! I actually did do all that when I moved here 🙂
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Oh, well you need to do something different then. Haha!
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I know, right? I need a big shake up. The crazier the better!
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I love how you are looking at all the things that feed your soul, your new sober life.
xo
Wendy
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I finally told someone at work today and I cried. Then I actually felt better! I have kept this so bottled up.
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Way to go Lori, congrats on 17 days!
It sounds like you’re doing a lot of reflecting and thinking and planning, and that is so wonderful.
If you love gardening but have your house on the market, have you thought about helping out others with their gardens? Maybe a seniors center would like to start a community type garden… or something like that? Gardens in schools is a huge thing here. Is there a gardening club in your area?
I love gardening too, there’s something very therapeutic about it!
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