Am I Attached To (Garden) Outcomes?

Yes.

End of post.

Haha. I have been working on this issue this week. This is such a pretty way of saying I’m a control freak. 

What I have been trying to do is react to my gut feeling and then let it go. Let it percolate in the universe and see what comes back.

• A piece of land came up for sale. My heart said put a bid on it. I did! The sellers came back excruciatingly high. I took someone out to get a good opinion of the work that needed to be done and found it was much worse than I thought. My bid at half the offer price was even too high. When you have to replace both the septic and the well, that is out of my league for a piece of land for a garden.
• I have been trying to process my relationship with My Friend. I am very tender and hurt. I am uncovering how many ways he was quietly protecting me when I thought he wasn’t speaking to me. Unless he did x,y,z, I assumed there was no relationship. He didn’t let me go during that time. I let him go. I gave up after a week because it didn’t fit my time frame to wait. (Insert longer, detailed story here…) Looking back on my blog posts, the morning I surrendered the outcome, he showed up in my life.
• He walked the land I wanted to buy and asked me what was the rush? I told him I needed my garden. A garden that no one can take away from me. If I garden at my home and it sells, I lose it. If I garden at his place and we break up, I lose it. I needed to control the outcome so badly I was ready to make a $20,000 mistake. Wow. That was an eye opener. 

I have decided to garden (for free) at both my house and his. Just do my favorite thing. Enjoy the experience and trust the universe. Last summer my garden brought me so much joy. The minute the garden was put to bed last fall, I have been scouring catalogs and designing the next garden on graph paper. When I thought the relationship ended I thought my garden ended. I find it a little funny that out of all of this, I looked to replace my garden but didn’t want a replacement boyfriend.