The Effort

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One thing that has kept me drinking/overeating is the effort. These are the thoughts swirling in my head

  • Massive effort
  • You have to want it more than anything
  • Patience
  • Must think of future rewards versus feeling good now
  • Deprivation
  • Focus
  • Planning
  • Self-control
  • Be kind to myself
  • Another change
  • Be vigilant
  • Staying strong
  • I have to care

That feels overwhelming right now. Here’s how I would like it to feel

  • Calm
  • Relaxed
  • Restful
  • Easy
  • Happy
  • Cheerful
  • Motivated
  • Quiet head
  • Energetic

The thought of having to work on myself so I can take care of others is very unappealing. I would like someone else, who has it all figured out, to take care of me!!

If I Byron Katie those statements – Help me out here

  • I like taking care of others so I take care of myself…..
  • I have it all figured out so I should take care of others…..
  • Taking care of myself is fun and others are annoying…
  • I want to be lazy and have someone fan me and bring me bon bons…..
  • Once I figure it out, I can take care of myself…..
  • I enjoy working on myself and want to tell you how to do it too….
  • No one can take care of me and I take care of no one……

Aaargh…. I think there is something here but it is elusive. I’m starting to wonder if I have Caretaker Burnout.

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5 thoughts on “The Effort

  1. When the alcohol was removed from my life I realized that I was often trying to do for others what they preferred to do for themselves. I was in their business.
    And that I was resentful that people didn’t want to do things my way.
    And that I felt unappreciated and unloved because others didn’t see or recognize all the things I was doing for them…including the things they didn’t want or need me to do.

    Yikes. No wonder I was so unhappy.

    Sober eyes show me how to take care of myself and where I can assist others. I am able to rationally offer help, but don’t take on all the work.

    My kids are tough. One has medical issues and some serious anger/self harm tendencies. I would have never been able to stay calm like I do before.

    It’s not all about me. I just didn’t see that.

    Embrace the sober side. So much chaos will fall away. It will become clearer. Maybe not easier. But lighter.

    Love to you
    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

    • Perfectly said!! Many things and people will take care of themselves without us foisting our “care” upon them. When you’re drinking, the low-grade ongoing guilt makes you think you are not good enough, not doing enough so you push harder.

      Like

  2. This.shaking

    I love Byron Katie’s Four questions! Google it! I would gladly post them but I’m in the mountains with my kids and grands and have limited access. They are also posted above my kitchen si nk at home so I can always check! They DO help! Hugs TS

    Liked by 1 person

  3. HI, Lori! Once booze is off the table and never an option you will not have to work as hard because rather than doing the exhaustive list #1, all you need is NO. The tiring part is should I/shouldn’t I, what if this, what if that, what if I could, what if I crapped a rainbow??

    Regarding “working” on yourself, what a drag! The thought of that is also exhausting. Include YOU in the group of those who need care, take your turn.

    What’s happening with your cute house??

    Like

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