The Effort

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One thing that has kept me drinking/overeating is the effort. These are the thoughts swirling in my head

  • Massive effort
  • You have to want it more than anything
  • Patience
  • Must think of future rewards versus feeling good now
  • Deprivation
  • Focus
  • Planning
  • Self-control
  • Be kind to myself
  • Another change
  • Be vigilant
  • Staying strong
  • I have to care

That feels overwhelming right now. Here’s how I would like it to feel

  • Calm
  • Relaxed
  • Restful
  • Easy
  • Happy
  • Cheerful
  • Motivated
  • Quiet head
  • Energetic

The thought of having to work on myself so I can take care of others is very unappealing. I would like someone else, who has it all figured out, to take care of me!!

If I Byron Katie those statements – Help me out here

  • I like taking care of others so I take care of myself…..
  • I have it all figured out so I should take care of others…..
  • Taking care of myself is fun and others are annoying…
  • I want to be lazy and have someone fan me and bring me bon bons…..
  • Once I figure it out, I can take care of myself…..
  • I enjoy working on myself and want to tell you how to do it too….
  • No one can take care of me and I take care of no one……

Aaargh…. I think there is something here but it is elusive. I’m starting to wonder if I have Caretaker Burnout.

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5 thoughts on “The Effort

  1. When the alcohol was removed from my life I realized that I was often trying to do for others what they preferred to do for themselves. I was in their business.
    And that I was resentful that people didn’t want to do things my way.
    And that I felt unappreciated and unloved because others didn’t see or recognize all the things I was doing for them…including the things they didn’t want or need me to do.

    Yikes. No wonder I was so unhappy.

    Sober eyes show me how to take care of myself and where I can assist others. I am able to rationally offer help, but don’t take on all the work.

    My kids are tough. One has medical issues and some serious anger/self harm tendencies. I would have never been able to stay calm like I do before.

    It’s not all about me. I just didn’t see that.

    Embrace the sober side. So much chaos will fall away. It will become clearer. Maybe not easier. But lighter.

    Love to you
    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

    • Perfectly said!! Many things and people will take care of themselves without us foisting our “care” upon them. When you’re drinking, the low-grade ongoing guilt makes you think you are not good enough, not doing enough so you push harder.

      Like

  2. This.shaking

    I love Byron Katie’s Four questions! Google it! I would gladly post them but I’m in the mountains with my kids and grands and have limited access. They are also posted above my kitchen si nk at home so I can always check! They DO help! Hugs TS

    Like

  3. HI, Lori! Once booze is off the table and never an option you will not have to work as hard because rather than doing the exhaustive list #1, all you need is NO. The tiring part is should I/shouldn’t I, what if this, what if that, what if I could, what if I crapped a rainbow??

    Regarding “working” on yourself, what a drag! The thought of that is also exhausting. Include YOU in the group of those who need care, take your turn.

    What’s happening with your cute house??

    Like

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