Car Again

From 3 cars to zero running cars. Two nights of the high school play. My mom here….and she brought wine. I ended up with the stress flu along with my son and a hangover to boot.

I have made progress though. Four years ago I was extremely hungover for this same child’s 8th grade play. It was a catalyst for change and one of those moments where I KNEW I had a problem, not just thought I did. This weekend I was sober & calm both nights. Had my mom not brought wine I might have made it to bed sober. (Not her fault -totally mine.) I still fell for the old ‘one glass before bed, while we chat & recap the night’ trick. It is hard to stop the adrenaline of a good night and go to bed.

I read a post this morning on maintaining the (sober) foundation. I keep telling myself that the only time I need to think about being sober is just a few minutes each night. Just enough to say NO. I haven’t been putting in the maintenance for 3 cars or for my sobriety. My cars and my body are broken because I have convinced myself that they “aren’t my thing”.

I do spend time plotting, planning and thinking about maintenance. Every Wednesday (in my day planner) is supposed to be devoted to working with the boys after school on car chores. Somehow it never happens. Same thing with sobriety. I think about it, but I haven’t put any real effort into it. Just say no isn’t working.

With no car to get to work this morning & the shame of a hangover yesterday, I am going to start my day blogging, reading blogs and getting in some self-care. I’m not giving up on this sober journey. A car situation also caused my best time ever of seven months sober to collapse. There is a lot to learn from this if I stop and spend some time in the discomfort.