As I was cleaning this weekend I thought about how the spaces in my home reflect who I am. I tried to let go of how the room ‘should look’ and thought about how I actually USE the space and how that space could serve me better.
I tried to move a treadmill to a different room but it wouldn’t fit through an angled hallway. I was angry at the treadmill. I was angry that 4 years ago I made a bad decision buying it. I was ashamed that the kids & I hadn’t used it. I was mad it took up so much space. I didn’t want it. I took a few hours trying to figure out my anger. #1 – I didn’t get my way. #2 – It was a shameful reflection of poor self-care choices, financial & health. #3 – It didn’t reflect the aesthetic harmony I wanted in that room.
I’m pretty good at looking at a solution from 100 to 0. Sell everything to change nothing. I started with, put the treadmill back to its original location and ended with, getting rid of it entirely. Somewhere in there was an answer. I also tried to embrace my anger and shame.
Obviously (the forces that be) told me that the treadmill was NOT leaving the room. At least today. I needed to accept that. So what did I want that room and treadmill to say about me? Hiding it in a corner & using it to hang dry my delicates didn’t feel right. I needed to practice more self-care, especially regarding my physical health. How could that space reflect that priority?
I took every picture & deco off the walls. It amazing how those things define a space. I gave the room a set of new eyes. What if, instead of ANOTHER lounging, relaxing space, I created a space with energy? Instead of the focal point of the room looking OUT, I created a focal point looking towards the middle of the house.
When you walked into that room before, you would have said – That person likes to watch TV. Now when you walk in that room you would say – That person likes to exercise! Goal accomplished.
I made it a week sober. If I wasn’t blogging (thanks to Anne for reminding me that all voices are important here) I know I would have been drinking this week. I reclaimed my blogging space. I dealt with the anger & shame of not being sober & not blogging about it. I thought of quitting the blog (0) to making it my life’s work (100). And, as usual, the right answer was somewhere on that spectrum.
When you read my blog in the beginning you would have said – That person is trying to get sober for the first time ever. Now when you read my blog you would say – That person is trying to stay sober! Goal accomplished.