I sat..and sat…and sat….. And it was all okay. Getting rid of the fuzz in my brain by giving myself permission to NOT drink. I feel back to normal this morning.
I had gotten myself so jacked up with anxiety again.
The drinking usually starts with something good. Then I “accidentally” get a hangover. Then the anxiety ramps up. After about 3 days I’m back at the nightly ritual.
But it’s okay to stop.
Again..and again…and again……..
This has not been a one and done for me.
Sure, I’ve had some bad moments, but no really tough, super story worthy, rock bottom.
I think that also feeds the addiction. Intermittent reinforcement.
Once again, a super smart brain, that knows how to lose weight, stop drinking, create less anxiety, and yet can’t accomplish these things. That disconnect between brain and action.
I did the hard thing first. Admitting. For me, it’s here in the blogs. And oh man is it tough to see people I started with, achieving three years sober. But that is their story to tell.
This is mine.
I have been trying to stop drinking for a long time. My successes have all been after starting to blog about it. My story has changed. Now it’s about staying sober versus getting sober. It feels different to me.
So, this new year is a new start to staying sober. I’m giving myself permission to think of what being successful at staying sober today means to me.
- No guilt about sitting
- Lots of water to drink
- Warm blankets
- Hot coffee & biscotti
- Using moisturizer
- Not achieving a specific goal today
My brain wants to write a list of things to get done at what time. But I’m going to give my tired brain a massage instead. No to-do list. It’s time to rest my brain.