Begin Again

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I took the weekend to battle some demons. ‘Eat, Drink and be Merry ‘ wasn’t. And I needed that.

Waiting for the fog of despair to lift, I gave it a final send off. I indulged in everything I thought was “forbidden”. (My own self-imposed “forbidden” rules.)

Sadly – or happily – I am glad to report that none of what I thought was guilty pleasures, truly was.

I joined Weight Watchers again several weeks ago and through tracking have really noticed how badly my food choices had become.

I have re-established my sober blogging, reading and writing, and it has awakened me to how far off sober track I have gotten.

I had a vision of myself. It was pretty good (pre-breakup)! But when I looked at what is ACTUALLY happening, it was no wonder how hard I fell. I thought I was doing lots of self-care, but it was just a lot of self-medication in disguise.

Part of my WOTY ‘permission’ journey has been to let go of old ruts. List making and the research behind it, is one of my favorite things to do. I can take hours creating meals for the week, researching the ads, cookbooks, Pinterest, cleaning the fridge & freezer. And then we all eat frozen chicken patties because I’m exhausted. So, I gave up list making.

My son came up to me, colored pens in my hand and surrounded by my beautiful planners and recipe box, “Mom! I thought you were trying to stop! Are you making lists?!”

“Yes, yes I am!” I proudly declared. “And if feels soooo good!!” He found that hysterical.

I ate, drank, over-thank and made lists all weekend. The only thing that gave me True Joy was my lists. Permission to keep the JOY and let the over-eating, over-drinking and over-thinking go.

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