I Think I Forgot

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Been spending time this summer in therapy with my oldest. Transitioning to the next phase of life for him is challenging.

I’m also transitioning from what I considered “normal” to this strange woman in menopause. No “peri” for me. Just kind of overnight a new being was created. I’m transitioning as gracefully as when I gave birth. I went to my classes and did the visualization of a flower gracefully opening as you dilate…. Yeah, a crock of shit.

Luckily, no one is noticing…unless you count the number of people asking if I’m getting enough sleep? Or overhearing my kids say that their mom cries over everything! Or the therapist asking my son to leave the room and collect himself then he turns to me and says…very gently…”What is going ON?” So, yeah, I’m a little crazy right now. And I may be “part of the problem – not the solution”, as they say in business.

My body is doing things that I’m really annoyed about. Things that OLD people complain about. Last night I got in my younger son’s business and said, what did you get done today?! I should have left you a list! Did you practice your trumpet?! He looked at me funny and said, “I’m pretty sure I went to work with you today- Remember???” Dear Lord, I guess my super long day took its toll. When your banker shows up at your house at7:45 because it was the only time us busy working mom’s could find, and then ending the day with anger management therapy, I kind of lost the middle.

After the horrible break-up, my friend and I found our way through it in May. I haven’t really commented on it to see if we could maintain it. I have really stepped back to focus on me & the kids and it works well for us to keep the relationship a little softer and quieter. Again, my “transitioning” has been tough on all closest to me.

It’s unique. It’s a natural rhythm of life. I’m mostly trying to relax into the new me. I’m actually looking forward to more freedoms as the kids leave and life gets a little simpler and quieter.

I’ll probably forget I said that 10 minutes from now as I break the yolk on an egg and RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE and then cry as my kid tells me that for my dog, when I am gone at work, it feels like a week to him and that’s why he’s so happy to see me….

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