An Old Draft

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“Look closely at the present you are constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming.”

At some point I liked this quote enough to save it as a draft on this blog. I wonder where my head was at? I’m sure it had something to do with drinking or I wouldn’t have left it here!

The quote sure fits with the changes I am making. I have been blessed with a year of few disasters. It was kind of strange. The proverbial ‘other shoe’ never dropped. There were rough moments (teenagers – nuff said) relationship ups & downs, not so sober evenings , work issues, but really just normal life variations.

As a prelude to my WOTY, this quote fits exactly.

I finally found a yoga class LITERALLY 2 blocks from my new office. She had been there the whole time I have been searching, but until I got the new office & started a local FB page, it never showed in any search. I take an amazing Yoga Nidra class and a Gentle Yoga. I am so happy!

After all the drama of buying two offices, losing one to water damage, fighting the system to relocate etc, this year has brought new work friends. Did I even tell you I went to Nashville for work!?! Along with the high school band trip to New York City?!? New friends & travel. I definitely want more of that this coming year.

My relationship ups & downs are finally at a neutral position. We have settled down from the panic of “Do you like me? Are you going to leave me?” into a very low key acceptance of two busy working adults. His favorite quote to me is “You tell me what Mother Nature will *expletive * do and I’ll tell you if I can make plans!!” This used to make me crazy, but after observing his choices rather than judging his choices, I’m much calmer. I have adopted the new buzz phrase, “You do you.”

And then we get to wine. My arch nemesis. After 40 years of go-to behavior it’s still a tough nut to crack. And, like the rest of my year, I have (kind-of) come to peace with it. My perception was once I quit drinking I would be free of it. The place I am reluctantly settling into is, it’s going to be a forever problem. Sober and remaining sober, is going to be a thing. Like being short. Things I can change, like haircolor!! – is not what sober is for me. This issue, well, not really an issue, (like being short is not an issue), is more of an acceptance. (I am not going to get taller.) I am not going to walk away and never think about drinking. I need to get with my alcoholic self and accept that “You do you” phrase. I have an alcoholic side of me. It is only doing what it is meant to do. Change the things I can – haircolor!! And accept the things I can’t. Instead of letting it do pushups in the corner, just letting it rest rather than fighting with it. Being sober is starting to not feel like a battle to be won, it is starting to feel more like living with a best friend. Not participating when “the friend” gets crazy. Just observing and not judging. What is that phrase – disengage with love? That’s my plan for my alcoholic side this year.

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