I haven’t had the guts to tell my friend that I have needed more help. He is needing lots or space for some things and after our last ‘break-up’ a year ago I have emotionally kept a distance. That gave my drinking LOTS of space to not be seen or judged.
I need to CHANGE (word of the year) my lifestyle. Sitting in the chair, drinking & watching tv is not working for me. I think I have tried everything except….I know…wait for it….NOT SITTING IN THE CHAIR.
If you asked me what I would choose, my chair, my friend, my dog, my job, I would pick my lazy boy chair – an upholstered rocker recliner if ya don’t know. Growing up we would snuggle with mom in it (not this specific chair!) As I discovered books, I would read all day in it. Coming home from college or life mom & I would have our morning coffee in them and talk. I watched my mom nurse my brother & sister in them and I nursed my babies and they snuggled with me in them. I have 2 lazy boy couches & 4 chairs. Even the dog has one of the old ones. It is where I do my 4 suit spider Solitaire and drink my one cup of coffee everyday and plot & plan with my planners. It’s where I read my seed catalogs & my best cookbooks. When I get done with my day I snuggle in with my favorite blanket, put my feet up, turn on a home improvement or cooking show and drink my wine…..[insert record scratch noise here]
I have also been sober in this chair – btw 😉 Along with not drinking, I am going to change what needs to happen before the chair. I am going to start exercising.
When Alison from Wine to Fine put on her blog she was starting TeeTotally Fit I knew this was what I needed – more movement and getting sober together. (I hired her!) The blog BgDddyJim Fit Recovery has been very inspiring on how the two things work together. Many of my blog friends use yoga or running.
I started my first week pretty well but fell apart the last of it. It was like the sober monster knew I was coming for it and redoubled it’s efforts. Sunday morning I finally told my friend. He said nothing that I wanted to hear, but it was okay. (Just don’t drink so fast, so much, less often etc.) For me it was the fact that I told my dirty little secret. I burdened him with my problem. He didn’t like that extra burden which for him that means fixing my problem!! Lol – He also doesn’t like that my struggle has made him recognize he also has a problem, though he can moderate and I can’t. Without nitpicking him, I am glad he has cut back to one a day. I could NOT do that!! One = box. One of the reasons I am glad we have put space between us was his family’s issues were making both of us drink more! Independently we are both figuring things out. It’s hard trying to be in a relationship at 55! We are not married nor plan to be it’s just a good friendship and with that said, it took me almost 9 months to tell him. I guess the point here is I wanted him to respond d
Soooo….Getting out of the chair LITERALLY means that. More movement. It also means I came clean to my best friend no matter the response and I came clean to my sober/exercise coach and I am coming clean to my blogging friends here. Three boxes of wine this week is not okay. Twice I dumped out the rest and bought more later that day. There, I said it.
Now it’s time to get clean for myself.