Consistency

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I had to laugh. One of my morning books is The Willpower Instict by Kelly McGonigal. I had forgotten that it’s written as a CHALLENGE. It is still this current years WOTY for a few more days and it ties in to my takeaway this morning.

One of my biggest hurdles (to really anything I want) has been the good times. Brene recently said what I feel – when things go well & I get happy – get ready for the plunge into self-sabotage. In the willpower book she cites a weird scientificc phenomena that when you do a little ‘good thing’ it gives permission to be a little bad. Things as simple as buying organic at the store and then driving thru a take-out on your way home from the store. ME!!!

To counteract this is a consistency thought pattern. And this really shook me. Take whatever you are doing and apply it to every single day the rest of your life. So, if I’m drinking 9 glasses of wine at night, I have to drink 9 glasses every single night forever.

Now, my first instinct on that is “You can’t tell me what to do!” The second thought is it makes me sick to my stomach.

So, I tried this with some of the choices I make daily.

  • Have a cup of coffee every morning the rest of my life (yes)
  • Not bake or cook a meal from scratch ever again (no)
  • Watch tv for 3 hours every evening (ME no, my Mom yes!!)
  • Get drunk every single night the rest of my life (no)
  • Work so hard I yell at those I love (no)
  • Read everyday (yes)

When I look at I HAVE TO to get drunk every night, it totally takes away the reward/naughtiness appeal. Even tv – if I HAVE TO fit in 3 hours of tv every day I find the thought disgusting to waste so much time.

One of the big excuses is – I will indulge today because tomorrow I will start, do better, make up for it. So ME!!! To counteract this excuse is to reduce the variability of each day. Establishing some concrete rules that are in line with my WHY.

Some of my WHY

  • Live on the water
  • Travel
  • Not have old crappy furniture & out of date decorating
  • Eat my own homegrown food
  • Be strong physically and be comfortable in my body

If I find myself using indulging behavior, I’m going to look for what I think I need this indulgent reward for – I deserve it because……. And do I want to do that indulgence every day the rest of my life?

7 thoughts on “Consistency”

  1. Addiction is indulgent, compulsive and self destructive.
    I could not see a way out of that from in it.
    I believe this is why sobriety works,over some sort of tightly wound moderation.
    The obsession remains until the fog clears. It’s only then that I could see my own self defeating behaviour.

    I always thought of it as a spiral. I drank, I felt bad that I drank, I was angry at myself that I couldn’t accept myself as I was, I was angry at the world, I was angry, I couldn’t handle my anger, I drank more. And so on.

    What would 6 months of no alcohol be like? Just none. No debate or rationalization?

    Maybe some mental relief and then space to see the rest…

    Hugs and love
    Anne

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    • I’ve never wanted to moderate, but I didn’t believe I could quit, so I was stuck. When I went for 7 months a few years ago I was not healed enough emotionally to maintain it. I’m not going to just white knuckle it again for the sake of time sober. My goal isn’t to (just) not drink. There are some things I want from my life and not drinking is just one of them.

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