Food Guilt

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I’m still DOING the things that are keeping me from drinking.

I’m seeing some guilt sneak in though. I bought some WW snacks/protein bars so I wouldn’t have to think. Just grab. It’s working great! Yet, my guilt about not growing, cooking & eating all my own food (& cleaning up after said activities) is sneaking in. Probably 85% of what I grow/cook/eat is homemade so I need to be a tiny bit gentler on myself in the moment.

I typically have 3 months of meals frozen for tax season by now. But this holiday season I didn’t make the big meals I usually do – so no leftovers to freeze. AND at 18 & 21 my boys are finally eating more food. Normally a turkey gives me 12 months of leftover meat. This year they ate the WHOLE THING. (I have to say, in my defense, it was really good!!!)

I have a bit of food guilt. For someone who used to be paid to cook, it pains me to not have the time to do it. I sit at my desk working, knowing that if I don’t work, I can’t pay the bills. The kitchen is just one room away and it calls to me, especially during the holidays.

One nice thing, I don’t like to cook & drink or even have wine with a meal. So that isn’t triggery. But guilt is a trigger!!

In the same way I started changing my attitude about exercise & meditation as an investment, I need to look at keeping my blood sugars in check as more important than my feeling of EVERYTHING must be homegrown & homemade by me.

Maybe start with gratitude. I am able to have room for a garden, the knowledge to grow & can, the ability to cook and hopefully the wisdom to know that this is an ‘all or nothing’ trap in my thinking.

4 thoughts on “Food Guilt

  1. I like to cook, but I don’t like to decide what to eat every day. I am getting the good food box and it has solved that problem for me. Coop and I like it. Cleo is extremely picky and survives on Pepsi and popcorn.sigh.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A little bit at a time, you’ll get to where you need to be, but remember, your real trigger is the guilt. I don’t know why you feel you have to home grow everything, I am not so afflicted. If it’s a priority for you, I’d suggest get recovery right first, then change the food a little bit at a time, and your recovery allows. Everything depends on your recovery so get that right first.

    Like

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