The willpower chapter stated that we expend energy by THINKING. I had just heard twice this week about how many calories a professional chess player and a researcher burns while THINKING, around 6000 calories a day. I also heard a professional strongman say it takes 7000 calories to maintain (and his favorite meal was not having to eat one!)
The assertion of the chapter in relation to 5pm – energy reserves are good in the morning, but after a day of THINKING our energy reserves are depleted.
Light bulb moment.
I have been shaming myself, that because I sit all day, I should have plenty of energy because I physically did nothing. I have not considered the fact that my drinking ramps up when I have a more intense day of THINKING. I just thought it was stress.
I did an exercise class at 5pm this week & I didn’t have anything to give and I couldn’t focus. The same routine I would have enjoyed at 7am felt like cement.
My son watches amazing unique movies and I tell him I don’t have the brain power to watch those in the evening. I call them THINKERS. Lol I’m starting to put some of this together.
At work I showed my son an IRS reg that had come out on Friday. It gave us some much needed guidance for the stimulus loans. Then I ripped up the paper and said now Congress changed it again. This is the 5th change since last year. My brain is very tired keeping up with tax law this year.
Now that I’ve worked through these thoughts, (thoughts about thinking!!), it’s no wonder I want to soothe my brain at the end of the day. But I’m not soothing my brain, I’m killing it. I’m pouring alcohol on an open wound and hoping it stops the pain.
So I need to take my brain out, give it a good massage, hug it & feed it, smile at it, treat it kindly & gently, keep it calm & warm, let it know it’s loved & tuck it gently back inside my head.
I have spent these last years blogging about how to love myself through small rewards. Recognizing what is a true reward and what is a false reward. Learning to stop shaming myself about my body and parenting. But I haven’t found that key to stop drinking.
There is something about this THINKING that is deeply resonating with me. It feels like I found a key that fits, now I need to see if it opens the lock.