Last year at this time I was struggling to leave the house. I was terrified to be around people. I felt so judged.
Going to the kids events took all my strength and much alcohol after.
This year I didn’t even think twice about going and enjoyed talking to other parents instead of sitting alone. I didn’t count the seconds until it was over so I could get home and drink. I felt great because I wasn’t hungover.
Last summer my therapist suggested that my secret drinking was causing my fears. She felt I was actually trying to hide from myself and the shame of the secret was the panic feeling.
No secret drinking = no public distress.
Secrets and shame.
- Did great at the grocery store buying treats for myself. Did not look at prices. Dark chocolate raspberry Milano cookies, Girl Scout cookie coffee creamer, pre cooked food from the deli. Ate ham balls and potato salad for breakfast!
- Walked on the treadmill and started listening at the beginning again of my Sober Jumpstart podcasts by Belle.
- After kids went upstairs I watched some of my favorite TV alone. Scorpion and the Food Network.