I started yesterday strong. I used your suggestions for yoga poses and made up my own routine of what felt right and good. I lightly cried at the end which always happens when I’ve done a meaningful, focused yoga bit. The release of emotion was much needed.
I was grateful to be ultra busy and distracted by work. I actually finished an hour early, but coming home to an extra hour of loneliness and shame sucked. Thankfully a friend’s email came at a really low moment and kept me grounded.
I can feel the sadness ready to take me under this morning. I woke with a giant headache from grinding my teeth. All I can think about is how can I get him to listen to me and hear how profoundly sorry I am. But I can’t. To my knowledge, my drinking has never harmed anyone because I have kept it so hidden. This is overwhelming. But it’s a reality that I must live with the rest of my life. Unreal.
I could try to Byron Katie this: Is it true? Turn it around.
- My drinking has not harmed anyone. True?- yeah, haha, I see that. Obviously my drinking has. Turn Around – My drinking has harmed others.
- I ruined a perfect relationship. True? – Perfect…I think probably not. True? – Ruined….don’t truly know yet. Turn Around – I ended a problematic relationship.
Today: I have to visit my least favorite client. An arrogant, angry man. I need to fill a few candy machines as that business has been neglected, then back to the job by noon. With all that alone time driving this is going to be a tough day. The podcast Yoga Church is my favorite so I will plan to listen to that for healing and distraction from my thoughts.
Tonight: ugh…just the thought of another night of sadness 12 hours from now is horrible. I finished my book and don’t have another lined up. [I just got up and set a reminder on my phone to go to the library this afternoon.] After I post I am going to download three books from the free online library. I have to be prepared.