Day 6 – What if….

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My eyes literally flew open at 4 am this  morning and I thought – I would still be drinking if this hadn’t happened! 

I knew my drinking was started to tip to the wild side. I still thought I could rein it in anytime. I failed to follow the golden rule of – ask a crowd of people if someone has a problem drinking, would it be a good idea if they started secretly drinking again?! 

I had been looking for a way to stop ( ANY way, except for not drinking, cuz I’m silly like that). So….got that done. I’ve found a way to stop. Go ahead, try this at home or at your next get-together and see if it helps you. Get drunk, hurt the people you love, put you and others in danger and feel unbelievable shame after. Voila! You’ve stopped drinking! 

Luckily, I did not get a Go Straight to Jail Card Collect $200. (Really? That’s how I remember the card – did it say collect money? Or was it because you landed on that square?) Sidebar, sorry.

When I looked in the mirror this morning, I looked pretty again. The drinking makes me so puffy. And I hated looking at the lying girl in the mirror. Last night I read a little in bed at 8 pm and woke up at 4. Not once waking during the night. NOT ONCE. I woke up with no regrets, no secrets and no ‘slight’ hangover that I would pretend was allergies. When I drink I tell myself lies that I would never accept from someone else. 

Yesterday was a super sad day, just as I had anticipated. All of your comments helped SO MUCH!!!!! I did what I had planned for myself. The podcasts were fantastic and it was like they were spoken just for me at just the right time. The angry client was gone, so I didn’t have to encounter that mess. I filled 3 candy machines and made 300 bucks. My gas cap wouldn’t open and I fixed it myself (Though I totally mourned the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to ask my mechanic friend for help anymore-ouch, total wave of sadness-okay it’s fading now-back to me again). Then I got to work by 11 and had a good busy day. I downloaded and went to the library and am fully stocked with books. 

Today: Another busy, distracting 11 hour work day. Good books to come home to, and podcasts for the commute. I am doing a bit of yoga every morning and MAKING MY BED. I am trying to get some routines established to help comfort myself.

Tonight: Again, thinking of the night makes me anxious. I hate tea, but I have been trying to think of it as warming up rather than good. I have a heated lap blanket and that goofy yucky hot mug of warmth as soon as I get home. Instead of panicking about not having a drink, I am starting this ritual before I tackle anything else in the evening. Warm blanket, warm drink and a few minutes to transition from busy work to very quiet home. 

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6 thoughts on “Day 6 – What if….

  1. Good job Lori! Have you tried some different flavoured teas? Do you have a David’s tea or Teavana close to you? Maybe you can pick up or order some samples (ie there’s cookie dough flavour and chocolate flavoured ones or fruity or whatever) and find one that you absolutely love and look forward to drinking! No fun forcing yourself to drink something that you don’t like – that just feels like a punishment šŸ˜‰

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  2. Nicely done! Good job focusing on the positives of uninterrupted sleep (soooo nice), feeling pretty again and caring for your body with yoga. I am not really a tea person but find it more palatable to steep 2 tea bags in a cup for a stronger flavor and adding lemon and honey or a little agave. I prefer coffee so I find I enjoy teas that are more on the bitter side (dandelion root tea is good and promotes liver and digestive healing). I’ve read your blog history and have been really inspired by your planning of treats and quest for self improvement. Thanks!

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  3. If I remember correctly, you’re another Minneapolis girl, right? There are a few TeaSource stores around, but they also sell online. Even if you don’t like tea, their Chai Tea blend is GREAT. It comes with assam, which is a malty black tea, but you can substitute that with a decaf black blend. The best part is the chai spice blend that is packaged seperately, you mix it with sweetened condensed milk or table cream (I’ve used half/and half as well) and mix it into the tea. It’s a coffee drinker’s tea drink.
    https://www.teasource.com/pages/preparing-chai-tea

    If you drop by the store they are super helpful and can probably help you find something you’d like – they also let you sample. There’s nothing sadder than gross tea, and I have pretty much sworn off herbal tea as it’s like (gr)assy bathwater.
    Keep on, I’m glad you had a good day and that tonight is good as well.

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  4. I like grassy bathwater (personally), also I like decaf coffee and hot chocolate. Making the bed is LIFE CHANGING. I can’t make my bed in the morning (as my husband is still IN IT when I leave) but I make it on weekends and as soon as I come home from work.

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  5. Trading one warm blanket (alcohol) for an actual warm blanket. The alcohol warm blanket is the kind hat doesn’t fit and always leaves your feet cold.

    Are you a coffee drinker? If you are, you may like the Early Gray stuff. Black tea. I am and I do.

    I’m a big believer (and it sounds like you’re similar) that keeping busy helps keep me sober. I will always be busy in my mind, and if I don’t stay busy with my hands, there will be some extra energy somewhere reaching for a drink.

    I hope you had a smooth work day. Keep at it!

    Liked by 1 person

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