My eyes literally flew open at 4 am this morning and I thought – I would still be drinking if this hadn’t happened!
I knew my drinking was started to tip to the wild side. I still thought I could rein it in anytime. I failed to follow the golden rule of – ask a crowd of people if someone has a problem drinking, would it be a good idea if they started secretly drinking again?!
I had been looking for a way to stop ( ANY way, except for not drinking, cuz I’m silly like that). So….got that done. I’ve found a way to stop. Go ahead, try this at home or at your next get-together and see if it helps you. Get drunk, hurt the people you love, put you and others in danger and feel unbelievable shame after. Voila! You’ve stopped drinking!
Luckily, I did not get a Go Straight to Jail Card Collect $200. (Really? That’s how I remember the card – did it say collect money? Or was it because you landed on that square?) Sidebar, sorry.
When I looked in the mirror this morning, I looked pretty again. The drinking makes me so puffy. And I hated looking at the lying girl in the mirror. Last night I read a little in bed at 8 pm and woke up at 4. Not once waking during the night. NOT ONCE. I woke up with no regrets, no secrets and no ‘slight’ hangover that I would pretend was allergies. When I drink I tell myself lies that I would never accept from someone else.
Yesterday was a super sad day, just as I had anticipated. All of your comments helped SO MUCH!!!!! I did what I had planned for myself. The podcasts were fantastic and it was like they were spoken just for me at just the right time. The angry client was gone, so I didn’t have to encounter that mess. I filled 3 candy machines and made 300 bucks. My gas cap wouldn’t open and I fixed it myself (Though I totally mourned the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to ask my mechanic friend for help anymore-ouch, total wave of sadness-okay it’s fading now-back to me again). Then I got to work by 11 and had a good busy day. I downloaded and went to the library and am fully stocked with books.
Today: Another busy, distracting 11 hour work day. Good books to come home to, and podcasts for the commute. I am doing a bit of yoga every morning and MAKING MY BED. I am trying to get some routines established to help comfort myself.
Tonight: Again, thinking of the night makes me anxious. I hate tea, but I have been trying to think of it as warming up rather than good. I have a heated lap blanket and that goofy yucky hot mug of warmth as soon as I get home. Instead of panicking about not having a drink, I am starting this ritual before I tackle anything else in the evening. Warm blanket, warm drink and a few minutes to transition from busy work to very quiet home.